For Better or for Worse

A few weeks ago a friend invited me to teach yoga at a bridal shower that she was hosting at her family cabin. Of course I said, “Yes,” since it seemed like a wonderful opportunity to be out in nature and teach yoga to a group of women who had joined together to celebrate one of their dearest friends beginning the journey of becoming “a wife.” Funny though, as the weekend approached, I found myself really struggling with what wisdom, if any, I could share with these women with regard to marriage. Honestly, I felt somewhat like a hypocrite, having been married…and divorced (more than once), and came face-to-face with the question, “Am I a skeptic or a believer in marriage?”

So, I started to really sit with the question. Answers weren’t coming. Having just seen Eat-Pray-Love in the theater and knowing that there was a second book specifically addressing marriage, “Committed,” I asked my friend if I could borrow her copy of the book to seek, not answers, just “material” that I could use, because I wasn’t able to come up with any of my own!

In flipping through the pages, I discovered much of my own past beliefs and wantings from a partner and marriage (hence, married and divorced), but I also discovered how much I had grown and moved through many (probably not all; no, definitely not all) of those old thought patterns. However, I didn’t find “things” that I wanted to share at the bridal shower, so I turned inward and shifted my perspective to find my answers.

What I found was the topic that I could honestly speak to…I could talk about being a woman…in any circumstance, be it on the verge of marriage…or the precipice of divorce…or just simply wanting to live life to its fullest. Here is what I shared at the bridal shower.

Choose partnership and companionship…commit to sharing your life and your dreams in good times and in bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and health, for better or for worse. However, when you are seeking love, happiness, joy and inspiration, turn inward and look to yourself for fulfillment. Then turn to your partner, your friends, your family for support and encouragement.

I asked each of the women to take this opportunity to go inward and find their own source of love, happiness, joy and inspiration. I asked that when they arrived there, to observe what came up for them…the feelings, the sensations, the thoughts, and the words. And from that place of wisdom, I asked that they each create a slogan, a mantra, first for herself, then as a message for the bride. I said,

“Take time to contemplate it, let it evolve and grow, let it inspire you…”

And once they created their mantras, I had them write it on a little card as an offering to the bride. These mantras were the foundation upon which we built our yoga practice. Each woman placed her card at the top of her mat as we celebrated our “yoga.” And at the end of the practice they lay in savasana to the song of Deva Premal’s Aad Guray Nameh:

Aad guray nameh ~ Jugaad guray nameh ~ Sat guray nameh ~ Siri guru devay nameh

I bow to the Primal Guru, I bow to the Guru woven through time, I bow to the True Guru, the true identity of the self. I bow to the Great Guru whose great glory will always be.

Then silence, except for the soft chirping of birds, the breeze in the trees, and the sweetness of wind chimes to carry our offerings.

What I discovered in my “search” about my thoughts on marriage is that I am not a skeptic of marriage, but rather, a hopeful believer. I do…I do believe that two people can have separate identities, separate dreams, and separate experiences, yet they can choose to share time, give love, and support each other’s inspirations, and together cultivate happiness and joy.

My mantra and card read: “YOU ARE! You are that which you seek. Tat Twam Asi.”

Now raising children together…that’s another topic!

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